If you ask my kid how I can be a better mom, she’d most probably say that I should stop getting so angry at everything.
I would have to agree that I do have a pretty bad temper and nothing boils my blood more than me having to ask my kids repeatedly to do the same thing. I start off my day, calm and composed, vowing to make it a good day. But, by evening, I’m a yelling-raging monster.
Now, we don’t usually yell just to yell. It almost always has some sort of reasoning behind it.
Either we feel unheard, extremely frustrated or we desire more control than our kids are letting us have. Whatever your reasons may be, you can unlearn your yelling habit and cultivate better relationships with your children.
Ways to get started:
- It’s great if you realize that you’re yelling too much and want to make a change in your own behaviour. This is really the first step, to be more aware of when you yell and what gets you to that extreme state of anger. When you recognize those triggers, you can be more in control in how to avoid them or deal with them.
- Keep a check of your own mental level. Maybe you’re overburdened with work and have too much on your plate which can come in the way of regulating your own emotions. Make sure to have proper rest, eat well and be hydrated which can all be contributing factors to a bad mood.
- Sometimes kids press your buttons because they are simply trying to connect with you. It maybe very well be a cry for attention so go ahead and give it to them. You can remain calm and try to empathize with what their needs are prior to exploding.
- Make a formal commitment to yourself in writing and a verbal one to your kids that you are going to try your hardest to stop yelling. This will keep you accountable and will serve as a good reminder to the behavioural change you are trying to make.
- Stop adding up things that are bothering you and address them calmly when they occur instead. Give your child a time-out, and then talk to them when they have calmed down instead of saving up all your issues for one day. When you don’t address issues as they come, there are higher chances of you yelling and exploding.
- When you catch yourself getting angrier, take some time away for yourself to calm down and manage your own emotions. As a parent, you are teaching your child how to deal with issues that make him/her angry by the way you behave when you’re angry. The key is to stop as soon as you feel your voice is getting louder and step away from the situation before it escalates. With practice, it will get much easier to control your yelling habit.
What You Can Do Next
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About the Founder
Internationally Recognised Emotional Literacy & Mindfulness Expert Tenille Bentley is the founder of The Emotional Literacy and Mindfulness Academy and the author of the children’s emotional literacy books with Jazzy and Pinky and The Energy Ball. Giving children a wonderful introduction to understanding their emotions and what do with them.
Tenille has been featured on Channel 9 News and other major outlets. Her work has been recognised in the community by The Governor of Western Australia, The Prime Minister of Australia and Australian Financial Review.
As a child she experienced severe anxiety and emotional traumas as well as bullying which left her feeling isolated, and unable to understand why she was feeling the way she did. As an adult this impacted her ability to make healthy decisions because she didn’t have the tools to understand her emotions.
Which is why she is passionate about equipping parents with the tools to support their children to make better decisions in life and healthy ones to help support and create a balanced home life.